His years of understanding one defect at a time, what that achieved, and why he had to return to the forge.
In the esoteric path there are cosmic intervals of a transcendent and transcendental nature.
After having become a member of the Temple of the twice born, I had to go through one of those intervals...
I want to refer in an emphatic manner to a sexual suspension, to a period of abstention that lasted for several years.
In the meantime I devoted myself exclusively to deep interior meditation...
Objective: to dissolve the psychological I, the Myself, the Oneself, which is certainly a node in the cosmic energy, a link we must reduce to a cosmic dust cloud.
It seemed to me fundamental to understand in a complete way each one of my psychological defects, but I wanted to go a bit further in the meditation path.
Understanding is not everything. We need to capture the deep significance of what we have understood with maximal, pressing urgency.
Any devotee of the Real Path could have had the pleasure of understanding a psychological defect in every territory of the mind, without however having achieved the perception of its deep significance.
Trying to understand my own defects in all the innermost recesses of my mind, I decided to become an enemy of myself.
Each defect was studied separately in a very methodical way; I never committed the error of wanting to catch ten hares at the same time. In no way did I want to risk a failure. The meditation became exhaustive, turning deeper each time, and when I felt myself weakening I let my mind turn quiet and silent as if waiting for a revelation.
The Truth came forth at those instants, I captured thus what is apart from time, the deep significance of the defect having been understood in an integral manner.
Afterwards I prayed, begged with vehemence to my Divine Mother Kundalini to eliminate from my mind the psychic aggregate, the psychological defect just identified. In this way, little by little, with this didactic, with this "modus operandi'', I managed during that pause to eliminate fifty per cent of the subjective, infrahuman elements that we carry with us and constitute the Ego, the I.
However, it is evident that everything in life has its limit. There are scales and scales, degrees and degrees.
This work became frightfully difficult when I had to confront the oldest infrahuman elements.
Unquestionably my Divine Mother needed a superior kind of armament. I remembered the Lance of Eros, the marvellous emblem of transcendent sexuality, but I found myself experiencing a pause. What to do?
I had already been given a cosmic list of things to obtain, and a certain categorical imperative demanded that I go down again to the Burning Forge of Vulcan (the Sex), but I had not understood.
I had been transported to the Mountains of Mystery, I had seen the terrible forces of the Great Arcanum in action.
In vain I fought against the categorical imperative of the dyonisian waves. They were frightfully divine, omnipotent...
These supernatural powers appeared to constitute an apocalyptic disaster; I felt as if such forces could make the Earth burst into pieces.
When I wanted to search, investigate, inquire about the origin of such forces and sexual powers, I found myself face to face with the Elemental Magician, with my Divine Mother Kundalini in her fifth aspect.
She was very beautiful, though quite small, the size of a gnome or a pygmy...
She was dressed in a white tunic and long black cape that dragged along the ground. Her head was covered with a very special magical headdress.
Next to one of the two columns symbolising the Occult Masonry, the Adorable ordered me to undertake a new descent into the Ninth Sphere (the Sex).
Unluckily, I had believed that this was a trial, and thus I continued to disobey. I was certainly slow in understanding, and that was slowing me down.
After some time passed during which I was engaged in mortal struggles against a very infrahuman psychical aggregate that resisted violently its own disappearance, I had to appeal to the Lance of Longinus.
There was no other solution. I appealed to the transcendental sexual electricity, supplied to my Divine Mother Kundalini during metaphysical copulation, I asked her to grasp the Lance of Eros.
The result was extraordinary. My Sacred Mother, armed then with the Holy Pike, with the Divine Shaft, with the electrical-sexual power, was able to reduce to cosmic dust the horrible monster, the psychical aggregate that I had in vain tried to dissolve far from the chemical coitus.
In this way I abandoned my sexual pause and returned to the Forge of Cyclops.
Working with the Holy Shaft I managed to reduce to cosmic dust every infrahuman element that constituted the Ego.
The Three Mountains, 1972 ch. 11, The Sacred Cow